{radio silence}

Sorry for the radio silence, everyone. We’ve decided to keep the results to ourselves for now.  I will be back again, but it might be a couple of weeks, so just hang on…

{almost there}

It’s been a super tough week for us here. At first, we felt nothing but elation. We just KNEW this was going to work! We were excited, knowing what was to come. Of course, TV got old really fast, and I hated laying down for so long…. if only I could just sit up!

There was an end to the bed rest and it was fine. Nothing exciting happened, which is the way we like it.

Around Wednesday evening, however, I began to get some cramping. Needless to say, I freaked out and was a balling mess for about two days. I was certain that it wasn’t going to work. That this was it. All that time, money, energy, emotions – gone.

I finally did some research and talked to a few people. Apparently it’s common in early pregnancy. It could be my uterus reacting to the implantation. I was so revealed! I’m now in a really good place in preparing for tomorrows result. I can’t say for sure if I think I am pregnant or not, nor do I want to voice it one way or the other. (Not to mention, I can’t base it on symptoms, seeing that my medications all give me pregnancy symptoms.) I know that if I am, we will be thrilled – elated – and ready to embark on this new journey. However, I know now that if I’m not, we will survive, we will move on, and we will keep fighting, seeing what God has in store for us. It will still be incredibly hard, but we have a great life now. If there is no baby right now, I still have the greatest husband in the world. There was one day last week that I was working, but having a tough time. I felt like crying, even thinking about anything but work. I sent a quick email to D and said “Tell me something good! I feel like crying right now.” Though the message he sent back actually did make me cry, it was the best thing he could have ever said to me. I don’t want to share the whole message, but the last part made me love him even more. He said, “In a great story, the hero is redeemed. God has the best possible outcome in store for us. We shouldn’t be saddened by the possibility of a negative result, we should be excited for whatever is coming.”

I’ve also began reading a book when we started out with the fertility clinic called Hannah’s Hope; a book about seeking God through infertility struggles. It has some amazing information and encouragement – and a ton of verses to fall back on. I’ll leave you today with one of the verses that stuck out to me the most. And whatever tomorrow may bring, we’ll persevere together.

{transfer day!}

It finally came! The day we’ve been waiting forever to get here.

Things went great this morning. After we got to the clinic, I got to done one of the fancy robes again… at least I got to keep my sweater on. It was freezing in there. I had to keep drinking water to get a full bladder for the ultra sound, too, so that’s what you see me holding here. If you notice details, you’ll notice we were in the exact same room as the day of the retrieval!

After that, my RE and the Embryologist came in to go over everything and again verify the number of embryos we wanted to transfer. The Embryologist wanted to update us with the number of embryos that made it. Remember that we had 13 on the day of the retrieval, and 10 of those fertilized. Usually they say that half the embryos that fertilize actually make it to day 5 (transfer day). The other half usually stop growing about day 3.

Well, we got some great news: 9 embryos made it to day 5! We were so excited. 4 of them were mature enough to transfer. The other 5 were still a little small. They are watching them overnight and will call us in the morning to let us know an exact total of how many will be frozen.

Then it was time for the transfer. I was completely awake for the whole procedure, although I was given a Valium, so I was pretty relaxed. It was a strange,  but really cool experience. We were in the same operating room as the retrieval, except this time the door to the lab (and what looked like a drive through window) were open the whole time. The room was really warm since they try to mimic temperature and humidity levels of your uterus, and they had some really relaxing music playing. There was even a low heart beat sound in the background.

While the doctor was doing his thing, I had a nurse on one side of me doing the ultra sound, so I got to see a little that way. On the other side of my bed was a screen mounted on the ceiling. The nurse turned it on right before the procedure started and a picture popped up. I wasn’t sure what it was until she explained it. It was a picture of the two embryos that were being transferred! It was so amazing to see them!

I was bummed that D didn’t get to see it. He wasn’t allowed in the operating room to keep a sterile environment. But soon they wheeled me back, and when they did, they handed D a print out of the picture I got to see! I was so glad! It’s sitting by me now, and I keep glancing at it every once in a while. It still seems so strange.

I don’t have a digital copy of it, but I did try to take a picture of the picture with my phone – so it’s not the best, but here is the picture of our embryos.

After a consult with the nurse on meds & post-procedure stuff, I got wheel (yep, they wouldn’t even let me walk to the car) out. I even had to recline in the car on the way home. Other than to use the bathroom, I haven’t been up since. I’m a little sick of lying down already. It’s only been 12 hours. I have no idea how women can do this for weeks on end. Maybe they at least had sitting privileges?? In any case, I only have to get through tomorrow.

And 8 more days after that.

{bed rest – in style}

Since I’m going to be laid up for 48 hours, starting tomorrow morning, I spent a good part of today preparing. I am allowed bathroom privileges, so I’m grateful I won’t be bound to my bed the whole time. I’ve decided to take up residence in the living room during the days. With as much stuff as I’m prepared for, you’d think I’d be going on bed rest for several weeks!

Take a look at my setup:

Of course, I had to make sure I’d have all the necessities… snacks, movies, knitting. Since tomorrow is Sunday (coupon day in the paper!) I added in my coupon binder so I could still enjoy my Sunday ritual. And, of course, for those of you who know me, I couldn’t go without an entire stack of books. Oh, and electronics. Though D will be home tomorrow and is working from home Monday, I decided to get myself some snacks so I wouldn’t have to bug him every time I needed something. Hopefully I’m not forgetting anything… Except Lucy! My little puppy is going to by my cuddle buddy.

{more meds}

Did you think I was done? Not even close.

Here’s a look at the meds I am currently taking through tomorrow (Transfer Day!). The three clustered on the right are my typical prenatals & a calcium supplement that my RE has me on. The front two blue ones and the middle white ones are my steroid and hormones along with the ones in the back (also hormones). They are making my body think I’m in early pregnancy which will give us a higher rate of success on implantation. I mean, technically I would already have been pregnant for 5 days… The orange one on the right is my baby aspirin and the two orange on the left are my antibiotics. The antibiotics I only have to take through tomorrow to make sure the retrieval didn’t give me an infection.

Several of these I will have to continue through week 9-12 of the pregnancy if it’s positive.

{growing babies}

I just heard from the head embryologist at the clinic this morning. We had 13 eggs yesterday. Today, I found out that 10 of them fertilized.

10! 10 growing babies.

I couldn’t be happier with that number. We were expecting less than that. Only about half of them will make it to transfer day. Some of them will stop growing. We are expecting 4 or 5 on Sunday. Two will be transferred and the rest frozen so we can do the process again, without doing the whole process again.

Is it Sunday yet??

{egg day}

So today was what I like to call D-day #1, or egg day.

We woke up early so we could get down the the clinic. They needed to do the procedure precisely at 9:15am. We made it with plenty of time. After filling out some paperwork for the anesthesiologist, they took us back into a part of the clinic we had no idea even existed! It was a lot more hospital-like than the clinic. They put me into a room and went over how things were going to go before leaving me to change into one of their every so fashionable gowns.

Me in all my pre-op, no make-up, sweat pants glory!

After I got changed, the doctor came in and talked to us while the nurses got my IV put in and took some vitals. We weren’t in there too long before it was time to go. Not long after I left, Darren go to go do his part, too!

The time flew by for me… mostly because I was unconscious. But the procedure itself was only about 25 minutes. After they wheeled me back into the room, I was pretty groggy and only really remember asking Darren if he brought me a bagel. I guess I was hungry! I wasn’t allowed to eat (or drink!) anything for breakfast before the procedure.

I’m not sure how long we were in there, but I was finally awake enough to hold a conversation, the nurses came in to take some more vitals, and went over what happens now. She also gave us the good news about the retrieval!

13 eggs! They removed all the eggs I had in my ovaries, but 13 of them were completely mature and ready to use.

Post-op, just after hearing how many eggs they got!

I got to drink some Sprite and got some post-op instructions, as well as appointment times for the transfer before we went on our way.

The transfer is scheduled for 9am on Sunday morning (November 6). Immediately after that appointment, I’ll be coming home for 2 days of bed rest. Better get the movies and books ready!

As for post-op, I was just supposed to take it easy today. I guess you can say I did my part. We got home about 11am. I almost immediately setup my station on the couch, put a movie in and…. fell asleep. I’ve been pretty much dosing on and off all day, watching movies and knitting. Only in the last 20 minutes have I sat up for any length of time.

I feel pretty good. I’m a little sore, and still exhausted from the anesthesia, but doing well.

It seems a little unreal, but two weeks from today we get to find out if it worked! We’re so excited!